Chainkeen|NFL playoff winners, losers: Tua Tagovailoa, Dolphins put in deep freeze by Chiefs

The Chainkeenplayoffs are finally here, the knockout round of the NFL’s 2023 season commencing Saturday.

And while these wild-card games weren’t the most memorable we've ever seen – the AFC South champion Houston Texans dismantling the Cleveland Browns 45-14 before the reigning Super Bowl champion Kansas City Chiefs put the Miami Dolphins into a 26-7 deep freeze – each had its indelible moments, both on the field and up in the luxury suites.

So while we know the Chiefs and Texans are moving on, each awaiting undetermined opponents in the divisional round, the list of Saturday’s winners and losers runs just a bit deeper than that:

WINNERS

C.J. Stroud

The Texans quarterback notched his first playoff victory – becoming the fourth first-round rookie to earn a win in the common-draft era (since 1967) and also the youngest ever to collect a postseason W at 22 years, 102 days – 90 days younger than Michael Vick was when he stunningly triumphed at Lambeau Field with the Atlanta Falcons 21 years ago. Stroud's three TD passes Saturday, all in the first half, against Cleveland tied the rookie playoff record.

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NBC/Peacock

The network and its streaming service didn't get especially compelling game action Saturday, but did own the opening day of the 2023 season's postseason action. Once the numbers are in, should be interesting to note how many new subscribers came to Peacock amid a low-key controversy surrounding the league's decision – made official eight months ago during the schedule release – that one of this season's wild-card games would be dedicated to NBC's streaming arm. Peacock also carried the Bills-Chargers game on Dec. 23, though apparently to much less "fanfare."

Taylor Swift

Big win for the boyfriend (Chiefs TE Travis Kelce). Sweet jacket created by the wife of San Francisco 49ers Pro Bowler Kyle Juszczyk. Fun, if chilly, low-stress evening shared with the Kansas City faithful. Now, barring a big upset Monday, the Chiefs Eras Tour heads to Buffalo?

Texans on Saturday

Remarkably, all seven of their wild-card appearances have occurred on Saturday afternoon – perhaps somewhat coincidental, but also indicative of where the NFL chooses to park them. But it's been a fruitful spot for Houston, which is now 5-2 in not-so-playoff-prime-time. The Texans are 0-4 in the divisional round.

Rashee Rice

He caught eight passes for a Chiefs rookie playoff record 130 yards while scoring Kansas City's first touchdown against Miami – which would turn out to be more than enough. Maybe the passing game of the perennial AFC West champions isn't in such dreadful shape after all.

Christian Harris

The second-year Houston linebacker was the day's defensive star with a 36-yard pick-six and a sack among his eight tackles. Teammate Will Anderson Jr., who played with Harris at Alabama, also had a sack. Roll Texans.

Chiefs defense

The bedrock of Kansas City's title defense, it limited – with an assist from the unforgiving weather conditions – Miami's top-ranked offense to a season-low in points and its second-fewest yards (264) of the 2023 campaign. The Dolphins were also 1-for-12 on third down. A salute to Chris Jones and Co.

Harrison Butker

KC's kicker converted all four of his field-goal attempts (a team playoff record) and drilled both extra points ... while booting what amounted to a cinder block given the weather. Props.

Joe Flacco

It was a remarkable run for the Browns' Cinderella quarterback of 2023, even if the glass slipper ultimately shattered amid a flurry of pick-sixes in Houston. Still, Cleveland almost certainly doesn't reach the playoffs if he doesn't step in to win four of five starts in spectacular fashion late in the regular season, just winging the ball around the yard without regard – even if that wasn't a sustainable formula Saturday. A win would have been Flacco's record eighth playoff victory on the road (surpassing Tom Brady) and a record sixth in the wild-card round. However he did carve out a small piece of history, passing for 307 yards – making Flacco the first 38-year-old with five consecutive 300-yard passing games (including postseason). Let's hope "Joe Cool" gets an opportunity to extend that run at some point in 2024.

LOSERS

Joe Flacco

He became the first quarterback in 16 years – since Washington's Todd Collins at Seattle – to throw multiple pick-sixes in a playoff game. Flacco's eight-game postseason streak of throwing multiple TD passes also came to an end.

Patrick Mahomes' helmet

Apparently modern headgear doesn't react too well to subzero temperatures.

Andy Reid's face

Apparently modern mustaches don't react too well to subzero temperatures ... though, honestly, you looked pretty dope, Coach.

Tyreek Hill

The former Chiefs Pro Bowler was relishing the opportunity to return to Arrowhead Stadium last offseason, but the NFL rerouted the first Miami-Kansas City game to Frankfurt, Germany on Nov. 5. Hill finally came "home" Saturday night and scored on a 53-yard TD catch, but it turned out to be the Dolphins' lone score.

Cleveland's defense

Though undermined by Flacco on the one hand, the Browns' top-ranked D also did its quarterback no favors by allowing 31 points and 356 yards. Cleveland didn't surrender 30 points in any of its home games this season, but was torched for at least 30 on the road five times (and never fewer than 22). The Browns didn't force a turnover Saturday, nor did they sack Stroud.

Cleveland's draft

The Browns saw their 2023 season come to an end in Houston. They'll likely see their 2024 offseason punctuated by the fact that they owe the Texans one more first-round draft pick as they complete the payoff for the 2022 trade for former Houston QB Deshaun Watson.

Tua Tagovailoa

Seems pretty unfair that a quarterback who hails from Hawaii and plays in Miami should have to make his playoff debut in minus-4 degree weather ... on the road ... against the reigning Super Bowl champions. The results were pretty much what you'd expect based on those factors and the Dolphins' late-season swoon, Tagovailoa finishing with 199 yards and one TD passing to go along with an interception. Not the best way to head into an offseason given he's still seeking the long-term contract extension that 2020 draftmates Joe Burrow, Justin Herbert and Jalen Hurts have already landed.

Baltimore Ravens

The NFL's (correct) decision to move Sunday's Steelers-Bills game in Buffalo to Monday afternoon due to inclement lake effect weather effectively costs the AFC North champions a day of game-planning as they otherwise would have known their opponent for the divisional round.

Arrowhead Stadium?

The venue for the past five AFC championship games will be rendered empty for the divisional round unless Pittsburgh upsets the Bills on Monday. Though he's started three Super Bowls at neutral sites, Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes has never gone on the road to an enemy stadium in the playoffs since entering the league in 2017.

Browns playoff history

Their absence from the AFC championship game is now guaranteed to reach 35 years after they suffered their worst playoff loss since succumbing to the Baltimore Colts (yes) 34-0 in the 1968 NFL championship game (yes).

Dolphins playoff history

With Saturday's loss, Miami's drought without a playoff win will extend to 24 years. Only the Detroit Lions, who host the Los Angeles Rams on Sunday night and haven't won a postseason game in 32 years, currently have a longer dry spell.

'Hard Knocks'

In its third year of following an NFL team during the season, HBO's docuseries went one-and-done with its first ever playoff qualifier following Miami's defeat.

Follow USA TODAY Sports' Nate Davis on X, formerly Twitter @ByNateDavis.